How are those resolutions holding up?

I’m not one for resolutions, really. I abandoned that custom when I realized it was just a reinforcement of the past years failures, and an excuse to drag them into the next year. It’s more and more difficult to avoid beating yourself up these days.

Constantly falling into the hole of over-commitment, and succumbing to the addiction to busy-ness are both hard-to-avoid pitfalls. Often, our ways of living, and the ways of the modern world, are custom designed to create wants and needs which can not be filled. We are bombarded with too many options that do not serve us in any way, serving only the corporate interests behind them. We are challenged by communication, allowing the past and habitual reactions (samskaras!!), to obscure truth and hinder relationship.

That’s a lot to transcend. No wonder so many of us try to find solace in committing (over and over again) to finding a better way. But it never works, does it? For my time in this experiment we call life, I’m trying something else. I work on uncovering my truth in every moment and setting goals conscious of who I am at my best self. The difference for me lies in the language I use and the intention behind it. I share my ‘evolutions’ with you.

Use every breath as a re-commitment to my practice, both on and off the mat. (yes, even a teacher and studio owner has trouble maintaining the space for personal practice)

Allow my body’s wisdom to guide me towards the best choices to support me with health (Notice the difference from ‘I need to lose 10 pounds’.)

Reinforce the habit to listen more than I speak

Use every word as an opportunity to be less separate and more an agent of the Divine.

I would love to hear yours! May you be blessed in all you receive

If you can’t feed a hundred people, then just feed one.Mother Teresa

All of you have probably been hearing about the devastationin Haiti. Many of you may know that I am from Haiti, and still have much familythere. My predominant sensations during the past week have been shock anddisbelief. This poor country has been in such a terrible state for so long –certainly since I was born. It is hard to comprehend yet more damage anddestruction.

While I’ve been paralyzed in my philosophical ponderings andmy worried suffering, the world has mobilized. I’ve been inundated with contactfrom people near and far, wondering how they could help. I hear the numbersabout how much money has been raised, and the various support organizations divertingall their resources to this situation. I continue to be surprised by theattention from the most unlikely places – my business coach, my alma mater, myhealth and wellness colleagues – none of whom have any connection to Haiti.

I always felt that Haiti was forgotten, even by Haitians, sothis outpouring of concern and support leaves me in disbelief. I don’t recallthis much attention EVER being given to a natural disaster. Then, I think,maybe this is not just the ground shaking below us, maybe this is the shakingloose of our conditions of apathy, self-absorption and separateness.  From the most unlikely place and event, I amreassured of the goodness of people. Really, I’m blown away by it all.

I believe we all have a part to play in this situation. Forsome of us, it will be the ultimate offering – to stop our lives as they areand give everything we have. For many, it will be finding something tocontribute – time, money, supplies, skills. For most, I hope it will be a callto recognize how blessed we all are. We stand on solid ground, with our homesand loved ones, observing this tragedy from afar. But we always have theopportunity to express our generosity and kindness, even if just to the personright next to you.

 As Deepak Choprasaid, “Perhaps it is through the people of Haiti that a new world ofcompassion, love and healing will be born. This is their sacrifice and gift tous. “

We may find ourselves excited and invigorated by the chill in the air and the buzz of the season. We may find ourselves a bit fatigued battling the cold and adding holiday activities to an already overly full schedule of responsibilities. Perhaps we find ourselves completely overwhelmed, not with the current moment, but with the anticipation of the frenzy to come. There are certainly differences in our experiences, but so much depends on perspective.

We all have ideas about what should be, but much of the time the universe does not oblige. How can we shift so that we align ourselves with what actually is? It’s almost as if we shift our perspective from a movie playing in our minds, to the screen in front of us. If it is happening in reality, doesn’t that mean that it is ok, at least for the present? Can all those feelings of overwhelm and unhappiness be dissolved in the full immersion of the moment, no matter what it looks like?

The questions that linger for me are – how do I take the insight, peace and balance I gain from my yoga practice into the world, despite what is being offered to me at the time? How can the inspiration to stay in Warrior 1 even when my thigh is on fire help me to find my untapped energy and resilience when the demands of life seem overwhelming? How can my intention to stay present during Savasana help me to notice the opportunities I’m given to rest and rejuvenate? How can constantly coming back to the breath remind us of what lies beneath the messiness of life? There are so many examples of the strength and equanimity we find on the mat or cushion, and how that can help us maneuver through snow storms, challenging relatives and all the other goodies of the holiday season.

I invite you to stay connected – to your practice, to the people who mirror your own magnificence, and to all the experiences that feed your soul. I offer you deepest blessings for the holidays and our transition to a new year.

Sometimes it’s hard to give thanks. Sometimes what the universe offers feels more like punishment than gifts. Sometimes it’s hard to find the light, even when you know it’s there.

At these times, a good dose of perspective can guide the way. Imagine that we were living in the most affluent country in the world, with our homes and our cars and our families. Imagine that our energy, not needed for basic survival –food, shelter, safety – was available for pursuits of spirit and pleasure.Imagine having access to teachers, guides and healers who provide us with tools, methods and practices for personal development, health and joy fulliving. Of course we don’t have to imagine these things – they are part of our reality.

And yet, we suffer. The pain of loss, disease and death appears to strike us to our innermost layers. I feel it – sometimes so strongly that it nearly knocks me over. But it’s really only a dream. The truth awaits as soon as I wake up,however difficult that may be sometimes. The strength comes from knowing what is to come. Gratitude, like brushing your teeth, getting on the mat, and every relationship you have, is a practice. One that can only be experienced by the doing of it, not just once, but over and over again. Even when life brings us to our knees, it shows us the solidity of the ground below us.

I’ve come to believe that the act of giving thanks is the means to rising from the dream and seeing that grace is all around. I learn (and have to relearn every moment) that there is always room for gratitude. I experience that the darker the situation, the greater the need to share the light. The challenge lies in trusting the universe enough to open your eyes and remember to see the light, feel the grace and live the blessings.

I am blessed to be spending the Thanksgiving holiday with some of the people I love most in this world. I am blessed to have found the means to express what is inside me, and share my gifts with others. I am blessed that so many of you have shined your light on me. I am truly blessed to have shared some of my time on this planet with my sweet baby brother. PLEASE take this opportunity to know your blessings, share your blessings, live your blessings. Embrace this moment with everything you have. Within it lies all you need.

Sending you my deepest gratitude,

Our paths TO yoga are as wide and varied as our paths IN yoga.  Some of us begin because of family influence, while others may intentionally turn away from cultural heritage. We embark with goals of fitness, health or serenity – sometimes all three. Some of us experience love at first site and many more keep trying until the right school, teacher or practice finds us. A few, like me, actually get their first experience of God. Whatever brought us there, however, is rarely what keeps us there.

What does it matter why we practice? As long as we do then it’s all good, right? Well, unfortunately, it’s very easy (and common) to use the practice to reinforce the habits and behaviors we are trying to overcome.  The overly stressed pick the most vigorous practices, bringing a sense of striving and competitiveness; the under-stimulated shy away from testing their limits. Either way, the practice becomes exercise or rest – certainly not growth.

Have you ever been in a yoga class battling anger, boredom,judgment, even rage? Maybe it wasn’t the teacher or practice you came for,maybe someone else was in your spot, maybe there were no more clean towels. Did you feel yourself reacting, unable to stop the progression of the story or the emotion? Did it feel like a continuation of everything you experience in your ‘real’ life? Sometimes we get the gift of consciousness and clarity, sometimes we don’t.  Sometimes we find a receptacle to unload these feelings (teacher, owner, family), sometimes they are absorbed into our cells much like the food we eat.

We may find these thoughts and feelings arising out of our response to who is leading the class. Do you ever ask – Am I here for the teacher or for the practice? Have I come to be recognized or just to be? Have I come to idolize or to actually see myself? It’s a very common trapping – to get so wrapped up in the person of a teacher that we forget that this is a journey we must ultimately take on our own. To find guides that help us along the way is invaluable. To substitute their thoughts and voice for our own can be a means to deep suffering. Teachers are human, too (don’t know if you realized that), and sometimes act in truly reprehensible ways. (Personal experience on this one…) Sometimes their light shines so brightly, it is unmistakable. Is it possible to see more clearly our own behaviors and motivations, to better align with energies that promote our growth?

The yoga class is a perfect little model of what happens outside the sacred doors of the studio. If we can’t find equanimity and balance in this environment, how do we expect to manage life’s events – traffic, job loss, divorce, death?? Can we use that time in the ‘yoga laboratory’ to really examine who happens to be there, on the mat? Do we bring with us those thoughts that consistently bring us discontent, discomfort, dis-ease and despair? Do we carry within our beautiful bodies the same ego-mind craziness that led us on this search for solace? Did we perhaps pack alongside our yoga mat that instinct that keeps us like sharks, unable to slow down or stop, constantly needing a target and the ‘fix’ of adrenaline? It might be fair to ask how much ‘stuff’ we brought with us to class!!

If we come to yoga to know ourselves, than there is no way around the requirement to STOP… to breathe as if our lives (and sanity) depended on it… and to observe and acknowledge our habitual thoughts and behaviors. Believe me, it’s much easier to breathe through a discontent in a yoga class than to learn it in an argument with your spouse.

I believe that change begins at the level of the individual.One person makes one decision to say no to habit, reaction and ‘how it’s always been’… to realize that just as we choose our habits – including our movements,patterns, preferences and even addictions – we can un-choose them. To choose not to condemn yourself for not ‘achieving’ a posture is likely easier than conquering something like alcoholism, but it certainly can be challenging in the moment.

The solution starts with the same small voice letting you know you are bigger, better, more glorious than what your thoughts had led you to believe. Begin by bringing your reactions, addictions and aversions into the classroom to be set free – recognized, appreciated and released. Find the space within a moment of breath to see your own methods, madness and marvels.  Allow the seeds of the practice to bear their sweet, beautiful fruits of freedom. Approach your practice with an open mind(and an even more open heart). What can I learn from this experience – not from the teacher, but from my own responses and reactions? What can I take home with me even if every single thing goes ‘wrong’ – wrong teacher, temperature, music,students and series of postures? How can I be ok with what is??

Don’t be fooled - there’s nothing passive about this form of acceptance. It actually requires a hero’s dose of courage. The bravery lies not in seeing what’s outside of you, but in feeling what’s inside of you without reacting to it. The ability to find even the smallest amount of discernment between ‘I am angry’ and ‘I am feeling anger’ can make a world of difference. Peace lies in knowing that every moment provided to you is a gift, no matter what story the ego-mind conjures up. Perhaps there’s even the possibility to find humor in that wacky internal voice. (I like to call mine Pearl. She’s quite a character…). Life is too short to get caught in the drama. Let’s instead cultivate the wisdom to own up to our own divinity. Let it shine!!!

I have been pulling weeds. I am 42 years old and for the first time in my life, I am spending a significant amount of time with my hands in and on dirt. There is nothing cute, novel or fun about it. In fact I hate every minute, and yet I am obsessed. Over the course of several weeks, I start my days on the grounds of the house that has become both mine and not mine. I pick and pull and pluck through cold spells and rainstorms. I kneel and stoop and crouch until my lithe yoga body bears a constant ache. I look at my delicate, graceful hands and think of an old farmers wife who traded in her name for the word ‘Ma’. She has no need for my fancy speeches on connecting with the earth. Her posture and fingernails say it all.

In those early hours I am free from distraction, alone with my task and my thoughts. I work with the focus of a Zen monk, hardly looking up for hours at a time. To view the enormity of it feels defeating. I can only just handle one clump at a time.

I think of all the habitats I have disrupted, and say a quiet prayer that those critters easily find new homes. I think of my house – no, best to keep my mind on my task. I hear Ma saying, in her no-nonsense voice, “Well dear, you reap what you sow”. “Yes, Ma” I say. I have sown these weeds, through years of denial and neglect. And now it’s time for uprooting, both these un-invited ground guests, and my life.

It’s so much harder now that I’ve let it get out of control. The disastrous marriage I let go on for far too long now takes all my fortitude to end. I dared not admit to the state of my property, or my union, for fear that it would make it impossible not to act. Like the stubborn dandelions, I dug in my heels and pretended I could stay forever. In the end he, (the other) won, his roots more unyielding than mine.

But now it’s all got to go. I am cleaning things up to sell this house, which I love and hate simultaneously. Leaving is the only option, the situation as toxic as the weed killers I refused to spray. Although I’ve moved on, my heart even finding a haven, my roots remain – in the form of my beloved child, the years we spent together as a family, and this house we created together.

I hope that those I’ve displaced find homes in a better place. I hope I find a spot to rest myself, and heal my blisters and sores, perhaps keeping a closer eye on the weeds.